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Welcome to the World of Bleach. Hollows roam Hueco Mundo and Karakura Town, terrorizing all creatures in their path as the Shinigami protect the Soul Society and Karakura town. Which side will you choose?
 
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 Funny stuff I found on Twitter ~

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Funny stuff I found on Twitter ~ Empty
PostSubject: Funny stuff I found on Twitter ~   Funny stuff I found on Twitter ~ EmptyThu Jan 05, 2012 5:36 pm

- Police: "Papers?" Me: "SCISSORS, I WIN!!"

- 'Screaming "NOOOOOOOOO" when the teacher starts erasing the board when you're not done copying.'

- "No offense" means "I want to insult you without you getting angry on me."

- "Are you single?" - No, I'm plural. "I meant are you free this Friday?" - No, I'm f*cking expensive.

- 'Boy: Mommy what's in your stomach? Mom: Your baby sister! Boy: You love her? Mom: Very much! Boy: Then why did you eat her?!!!'

- Why do we feel safe under blankets? It's not like a murderer will come in thinking "I'm gonna kill- ahh f*ck no! They are under a blanket."

- Dear Math, We are sick and tired of finding your "X". Just accept the fact that she is gone. Sincerely, Grow up and solve your own Problems.

- 'That awkward moment when a package says "Easy open" & you end up using scissors, knife, hammer, gun & a lightsaber trying to open it.'

- okay = everything's cool. okay? = you make no sense. okay... = you're creepy. okayy = i don't care. Okay. = i'm so pissed off.

- Child: "Dear Santa, please send me a baby brother!" Santa: "Send me your mother." Wink

- My mom texted me "What does IDK, LY & TTYL mean?" I replied: "I don't know, love u, talk to u later." Mother: "Ok, I'll ask your sisters".

- Girlfriend: Wanna see a magic trick? Boyfriend: Sure, babe. Girlfriend: BAM! You're single.

- Teacher: Whoever answers my next question, can go home. *A boy throws bag out the window* Teacher: Who threw that?! Boy: Me! Im going home.

- 'I'm not stealing my neighbor's WiFi, their WiFi is trespassing into my house.'

- "Dude, she just called you lazy!" "Oh heeell no, go tell her I'm not!"

- 'I saw a baby today with a shirt that said: I'm what happened in Vegas.'

- No matter how old you are, when a little kid gives you a Toy Phone and says its for you, You answer that sh*t.

- Chuck Norris was born May 6,1945. The Nazis surrendered May 7, 1945. Coincidence? I think not.

- I dig, you dig, we dig, she dig, he dig, they dig. It is not a very good poem, but it is very deep.

- Taking a well deserved break after writing the title of your assignment.

- That awkward moment when you go to grab somebody sexy and tell them ‘hey’, but your hand hits the mirror.

- Snow outside? When about 5% people will go outside and play in it, the rest 95% will make a Facebook status about it.

- Excuse me.. Excuse me.. Excuse..WHATTHEHELL MOVE?!!!

- Yo mama didn't drop you as a baby! The sidewalk did just took one look at you and jumped up & slapped you.

- So I put your phone on "Airplane Mode" and threw your phone up in the air. Worst Transformer Ever. Just saying.

- In the past, when you were angry with someone you fought them.Now you delete them off Facebook. That'll teach 'em not to mess with you.

- The first status on Facebook in 2013: "is anyone alive?"

- Start a band called "Free Beer" because when people see a sign that says "Free Beer Tomorrow @ 9PM" everyone is going to be there.

- That awkward moment when you laugh so hard that no noise comes out, so you just sit there clapping your hands like a retarded seal.

- It's all about perspective. The sinking of the Titanic was a miracle to the lobsters in the ship's kitchen.

- You know when you walk into a room and forget why you went in? That's God, playing The Sims, canceling your action.

- Any time a bird craps on my car, I eat an entire plate of scrambled eggs on my porch, just to show the birds what I'm capable of.

- Once you hate someone, everything they do is offensive. “Look at this b*tch, eating those f*cking crackers like she owns the place!”

- I've always wanted to go into an elevator full of strangers and say "I bet you're wondering why I've gathered you all here today"

- B*TCH I'LL BURN THIS MOTHER FU* TO THE GROUND NOW WHERE IS IT? Sir, calm down your toy is under the McNuggets.

- My little sister's password for the Disney website is "MickeyMinnieGoofyPluto" I asked her why, she said "They told me to use 4 characters".

- The Gaga Law: (RAH)² (AH)³ + RO (MA + MAMA) + (GA)² + OOH(LA)² = Bad Romance

- I got a text! I hope it's from.......... OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE.

- When you miss a call by a few seconds and call the person back..... and they don't answer.

- I hate when people see me at the mall & are like "Hey what are you doing here?" I'm like "Oh you know, hunting zebra."

- My parents accused me of being a liar. I looked them in the face & said, "tooth fairy, Santa, Easter bunny." & walked away like a boss.

- "Tell me a bedtime story!" - Sure honey, once upon a time, a little girl wouldn't go to bed. Then she died.

- Baby mosquito came back after 1st time flying,His mom asked him "How do you feel? He replied: It was wonderful,Everyone was clapping for me!

- GF: I did something bad. You'll hate me! BF: We can work through anything! I'm sure I'll forgive you. GF: I broke your Xbox. BF: OUT. NOW.

- Boy calls another girl: "Hey babe I miss you." Girl: "Your Xbox broke didn't it". Boy: "Yep..."

- GF: Hey babe, where are you? BF: I'm at home about to sleep, I'm really tired. Where are you? GF: In the club right behind you ._.

- If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen.

- Some guy broke into my house last week, and all he took was my TV remote, Now he drives by and changes the channels.....Sick bastard

- *A nerdy guys phone goes off* Jock: "Who was that, your girlfriend?" *Everyone laughs* Nerd: "Nope. It was yours." *Dead silence*

- R.O.T.F.L.S.H.T.I.R.O.A.R.A.A.C.R.O.M.A.I.L Rolling On The Floor Laughing So Hard That I Roll Onto A Road And A Car Runs Over Me And I Live

- Facebook asks: What's on your mind? Twitter asks: What's happening? Foursquare asks: Where are you? The Web is a worried mom.

- I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It's obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.

- Doing weird faces & sounds in an elevator & then realizing it has a camera.

- Before the clock strikes 12 o’clock on Dec 31st, go into a room, come out after 12 & be like “sh*t I haven't seen you guys since last year!”

- When you're stressed, You eat Ice cream, Cake, Chocolate & Sweets. Why? Because stressed spelled backwards is DESSERTS. Mind = Blown.

- 2011: I'm sexy and I know it. 1836: I'm physically attractive and I'm aware of this statement.

- "Did you just fall?" - "No, I attacked the floor." - "Backwards?" - "I know, I know. I'm so talented."

- We don't have any vegetable jokes yet, so if you know one, lettuce know...

- "I wasn't that drunk!" "Dude, you went to the train station smashed yourself against the wall, trying to get to Hogwarts!"
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